silly-ness

the missing pangs strikes me again. 2 weeks seemed such a long time. i've just met some of my classmates this past weeks and also today. but there's something different about seeing them again after 2 weeks. maybe because we're not wearing school uniforms? maybe there's something missing. there's this schoolmate who i saw recently didn't really give any response with a 'hi' and i feel it's like going to be one of the usual schoolmate-to-hi-bye friends. this schoolmate is one of the good kind of friend that you wouldn't want to forget in a hurry. oh well, i guess my schoolmate is quite busy or maybe feel kekok after long time not meeting each other. everyone have their very own good reasons. =)
i know that this is stupid but there's this one annoying thing that refused to go away from me. many people would have said 'let go la. forget it' but i refused. i don't know why am i still wanting to hold on to it when i knew perfectly well that i'm holding on to the thing that will never ever happen. and i like to think of this; maybe the other party would have the same thoughts too? and sadly, that particular party might have let go of it too. i can't seemed to move on huh? and it's really annoying that whenever that party's name being mentioned out, my insides seemed to squirmed, the heart leaped and there's butterflies in the stomach. gosh. i might get sick. can't i get over it? and sometimes i see a thing related to that party, the party's name will flash across my mind. don't tell me that i'm too obsessed with that person. if i am, then it's so eww.. but i've checked with one of my closest friends. i'm practically normal. fuh. hopefully...
maybe i'll try to let go? i'm not sure. maybe i'll be so stubborn that i won't? maybes and uncertainties. it's one stupid thing to spend my time pondering about all these, but i can't help it. i know that i'm wasting time, but i feel if i spend more time on it, i could think more clearly about it. but the more i think, the more i got all confused and mixed up. if only i've got the answer. if only i've done it. but i guess i'm just being an annoying
git again thinking all those positive stuff, on everything that what i want will happen if i do it that time.
you know, when i read everything all over again on what i just wrote, suddenly it sounded real stupid, annoying, LOA and that my brain's all clogged up that i can't think straight. and it also sounded like i'm lost, beating around the bush, go all merry-go-round-ish kind of story. what i want huh? i know what i want; but i just couldn't do anything about it. and i kinda wish that that party knows about it all. but it's total impossible.
suddenly i feel so obsessed and scary.

pardon me for using loads of 'stupid' but i can't seemed to find any suitable word.
anyone's free to roll their eyes. cause i know i'm being helpless again.
a smack in the head for me. anyone?
p/s: i'm only going like this when i'm alone. =) no worries. i'm not going out of my head except when i'm high. heh heh. and oh, pei chen, thanks for driving me around bukit tinggi today. i really appreciate it. =)