crazy

it's 2am and i was suppose to finish up the progress report.

then i decided to ditched learning the PCR for the FYP to go for competition. no, i won't extend. that if i get to finish up the PCR and nothing happens to it *touchwood*

but i'll come back early for the exhibition.

i've learn the train routes, the bus station, the bus schedule. i've never done this before. i've never went out of the comfort zone, never out of the boundaries.

i just hope everything will be alright, and that when i come back for PCR which i'll have to do without anyone assisting me, it will go accordingly like in the protocol. no DNA digested, no ruined agarose gel, (shit. i don't know how to do agarose gel), no messy sequences, no dirty DNA kept that need to be sent for sequencing.

i need to read up more and learn by myself. i really am finding things to ruin myself don't i?

self-pity

i just hope that the decision that i made after i woke up suddenly from a nap to study for tomorrow's test doesn't give me the biggest regret ever.

i've decided to drop out from universities games (SUKIPT) to give way for my FYP. the FYP was suppose to finish by this week itself. but due to some things in between and all, i think it'll go on all the way to the end of this month. the competition will be end of this month, and it'll take a whole week.

i don't know. i got up feeling pissed and all and ready to snap at anyone, until my sister cool me down abit then i just send some texts over to the team manager and a substitute saying that i had to drop out.

so i'll just look forward to completing the FYP and helping out for my SV's science fair exhibition.
that's what i wanted right? to finally get to join for the science fair.

like everyone was saying, i had too much sports experience already. i know that too, when i realized that my resume achievements are all focused on sports only.

bye then

hard work

i'm that kind of person no matter how long i spend my time in the lab, redo back each steps to get the right results, i will still won't be able to achieve what i wanted to get.

my groupmates bacterial cultures are so active that they react to every single reaction, while mine was, slow, small growth, and is sometimes unstable, i admit i felt all the jealousy that i had in me. i don't know where i did wrong in the keeping stock step.

the aim was to isolate out lactobacillus and as i progressed along in each step, i was getting more and more afraid that there won't be a lacto that is a probiotic.

and at these times, i'm quite snappy, well in the mind not verbally. once i heard a person who doesn't go lab for a whole day says that they're so tired out, i'll snap back (in my mind). they're a weak person, i'll think. they're too pampered to stand long hours in  the lab, i'll think.

but then, progress doesn't count how long you'll be in the lab. it's how effective you are. oh wells i guess i'm not. i kinda prefer to stay in the lab as i can see what i've left off and forgot to do.

i'm tired of doing all the washing for people who uses tips and never wash them. they think they're washing it when all they did was to soak it in dettol and leave on the bench for days. and when there's short of tips, they'll use the ones that you've clean, autoclaved and ready to use just for that day. there's no tips, i have to postpone my work, and i ended up washing those tips as i don't wanna say anything, and washing it i too could use it as well. to wait for them to wash, that day will never come. yeah i'm complaining. i just can't stand unorganized bench areas and unwashed stuffs.
i'm sick of opening drawers that is just cluttered with used aluminum foils, unkept chemical containers, used tissues all over the the bench, stained bench, unkept growth jar back to the incubator waiting for the bacteria to die outside on the bench, well..everything. i could complain all day with all the contaminants all over the bench. and yet these people's bacteria grow ever so happily unlike mine. maybe i need to be more dirty.

how do you feel when you open the box that you share, all cluttered, when you've arranged it the day before? don't 'cha feel like flipping the box upside down?
one term that i've learnt : "sabo je lah"
either way, arrange it back when it becomes intolerable(then repeat this step a few days after), or leave it as it is.

well actually this whole post was just because i wanna complain out on the last paragraph. in everyone's group, there will be one who will piss you off. and all you have to do is to clean things up after them just so you know things will be organized and that you and them will have sufficient stuffs to use on the next day without all the drama and conflicts and complaints face to face. slave la cause these people will never learn.