maybe i should

should just tell you how i drive.

dad's been allowing me to drive this past 2 days.

i can't do a simple parking.
nor a normal reverse.
when i drive at on a rainy night, i can't really see the side mirrors so i just changed lanes with one quick glance.
and i feel the windscreen is just not big enough for a full panoramic view.
if only i have cctvs at the back of the car.
still can't estimate distance from the inside.
and how do this people drive and put on seatbelts at the same time?

when i become a pro, i'll tell. promise. pfft.

self discovering

yeah i know there's so much crappy post been up lately. but i found out so much i would wanna 'share'.

no, it's so my future self would read again what had my old self been up to.


after away for a week into foreign country alone (no mum no dad), i found my other self that i've been so long trying to push away to the back corners of my 'personality box' stash.

i knew i was/am;
stingy
selfish
not understanding
commanding
manipulating to get what i want
jump to conclusions without thinking
expecting people to know what i want
proud
loved freedom to the core
hates being tied up by someone i don't even know that well, but i have to respect
wanting independence

(basically this is what i could think of at the moment, i'll just edit again later on)


stingy is the main thing the appears often. to me, not to others. i tend to look at prices with must more interest and ended up getting nothing of everything that i wanted. which i'm still regretting.
selfish, not understanding, commanding, anything below that was all related to each other. it's like i'm being childish which my freedom was so limited i tend to think selfishly and doesn't want to think what's the reason for not giving all my freedom. i'm there alone, it means i'm not tied to my parents and yet a stranger is limiting my freedom. this got me all confused and i acted un-rationally.
proud is another thing. since i've made so much research and reading on the place, i almost know what is what when i saw something. i'll accidentally pratted it out as though i'm a tour guide knowing everything. and i'll scoff at people who take pictures without knowing what is that thing that they had just modeled in front of. seriously, proud at its worst that time.

i don't want to be a person like this. and it's not something you can throw away easily.

confused

i'm so confused and at lost.

going to start my work without the appointment letter due to some complications.
but without letter? it's like going to a place all naked.
i'm not even sure if it is the right thing to do.
i bet there's no other who's doing it like me.
as if the company belonged to my grandpa.

i've been thrown into this dark hole of bad luck.
get away from me *wooooooo*

p/s: i guess i need my thick skin mask back to get through all these things.

i can't go on living like this, being so thick faced and selfish.

letter still not here, in my hands

nope. letter still not coming. and i'm still waiting. so numb.

'nyway i hope i remember this.

Current goal: Focus in career. Period.


p/s: how i would love if Malaysia's day temperature drops all the way to 20 degrees (wanted more lower but i'm being generous here, it's just 10 degrees(or more) lower). these days weather's getting seriously hot and humid.

glasses keeps on sliding down your nose every second because your nose is sweaty (oily). you can't even look up and steal quick glances on good looking guys passing by you without looking everything in a blur just because your glasses are below your eyes. tsk.

just kidding nyahhh. but seriously, those glasses sliding down your nose is damn irritating.

just saying reconsidered

Just saying that since the first trip i took, i came back home and realised, i haven't grown mature one bit. yeah.

since it's a tour, i'll need to be more understanding. which i didn't realise in me that time. the time given to each place was very limited. at most will be 2 hours max. but most of it will just be an hour or some, 40 minutes. to me, it's a problem as there's so much things that i wanted to see! which, time limitations is not a problem to me at all.

whatever it is, i apologise from here. which i doubt they'll know. but all in all, what truly disappoint me was the freedom not given or reluctantly given. and totally not the total numbers of pictures taken throughout the week; frankly i enjoyed alot seeing them taking pictures not to mention a few attempts on joining them too.

Being irritating *with glee*

Just came back from South Korea a week ago.

I'm not pretty sure if its because of trying too hard to converse a full sentence in korean for a full 7 days (being arrogantly irritating here) or staying passive for 2 months had made my engrish gone bad. bad like, real bad. i can't even be sure if 'request' is in its right spelling.

my brain's gone dead. and they said doing nothing will kill you brain nerve cells. but i was constantly reading. READING! how can that be. realising this happened last saturday during my convocation day where i can't spell or write simple straight sentences, i started to watch movies again. i rarely watch movies but since i was desperate..yeah. watching english movies without subtitles helps my hearing and understanding.

i'm typing this as though i'm having a disease or something.

i realised on the past few months i started to forget things. things that i took and left in a place, or things that i touched and never put back, i've forgotten all about it in just few seconds. for instance, i went into a room, switched on the lights and then went back out without switching it off. it's what everyone will do. but not me. i don't do that. or rarely do that. usually i'll be conscious on these things but recently i've been doing it as though it's a daily routine.

this keeps letting me thinking if i'm going to have Alzheimer's or something. but it never happen when i was in Korea. maybe i'm just being to slack and reckless at home. =/

sorry bout that

Hi there

I was suppose to post on something about my mind last 2 weeks ago but then i kinda forgot what's my password and email.. and blogger kinda changed abit so i'm still not getting used to it.

just happened to read the past few posts that i posted and i do sound like a person who doesn't know how to compose a post well.
i mean, i sounded so childish, so ew. i bet this one is too.