smart left-handed

they say left-handed are smart people.
they say left-handed will strive.


i'm a left-hander.
i don't feel smart.
and i do work worse than other people.
lies.

unsure

i still wasn't sure of what i want. i know it's just an internship, and most of my friends are saying just accept what you got it's just practical. some are saying that i'm choosy.

yeah well, i take internship as a place to kickstart my career. i plan to get attached to a particular company right after my internship ends.
though i love to take up masters, but i don't think i'm able to.


i'm not sure if i could do quality controls, or in medical industry. i like to be in the medical industry, it's just that i'm not sure if i could go far as in do different things after a few years.
i duno la i'm so confused. i shall go lay down and think.

wrong

i had issues going with my practical.
thanks to the ones who helped me out throughout my decision making. at least i'm not so worried anymore.

it happens because i have this bad habit of not being able to decide what's best for me.


btw,
i've been walking around with short shorts (hey, not short la, it's just only until up to half of my thigh) just for one day. i have my menses (yes go eww eww like i care) and i don't feel like wearing pants that's tight. my track pants was quite tight, and i'm very lazy to change into it when i have to go down to the block just for some brief thing.

a friend called because she wanted her bus ticket that i bought for her. it was just a "hi, i give you, you pay me, bye, see you on sunday" thing that's only gonna take 5-10mins. and so i ran down to the parking lot to meet her and i get this honk from these people 5 mins later because my legs are offensive. it's not my first time wear shorts outside of the hostel compound and what's with today? plus those girls nearby been bitching me like i didn't hear it. what's up man?

no i'm not racist, and yes i know why they reacted like that and i respected that because once they saw aurat, they will be berdosa. okay la, fine, but hey, my friends are saying it's okay for me to wear shorts (outside of the uni compound. and in the uni compund, but that's breaking the rules) because i'm not a muslim. i mean, it is okay, like i don't know. but i did wore it to the night market which is outside the uni compund, and i get all these stares. even an imam was muttering something behind me.

what's the difference between my shorts (that's very baggy, but short) and a woman who wore clothes that are so tight, every single curves are noticable?

sighs. i will wear long pants from now on.

so sorry. i don't like wearing long pants it's because i can't the stand hot weather, especially when that pants is tight. and no, i got no other pants thanks. i even rolled up my slacks in class because everyone was saying that the class is so cold, they switched off the air conditioning (no it's not cold, it's just cooling. for 4 years, this still goes on and i can never understand).

before bedtime

sequencing just came back from korea.

none of my samples are lactobacillus. boohoo.
i felt so stupid, thinking what did i did throughout my final year project.
then i got rejected to be able to go training with this company that i so wanted to get in. anyway it's hard to get in to that company, i know, but i just wanna try.

[random]
i've been looking through some ACS photos from this group in fb. i found an album that it says 2007 but i think it's the year before i came in cause i don't see anyone of my friend's in there.

i like my long hair =3
it's rough poufy frizzy wavy. i like it long now instead of short.
and it reminds me be back why i have it long. all those reasons. nvm.

btw, good night. there's class, internship hunting, and of course thesis.

laziness

now lab work's done. all that's left is the thesis. i couldn't get a head start to continue / repair my thesis.
i've done bits of here and there on the different chapters, but i know that there's still loads to do.

i've been sitting around trying to find work when work is just right in front of me. i guess i just don't really like paperwork. paperwork is always my weakness ever since high school. my folio always got the lowest.

there's not much assignments to do. but but but...i hate this feeling of being so empty, so carefree. intense adrenaline where are you? i need to get back on my workkkkk. sighs.


or maybe i just wanna focus on getting my internship first before getting on with other things? deadline's near now, i haven't got any place yet. there's some answers, but i'm still waiting, hoping to get the ones that i wanted real bad.

post-lab work

just wanna say lab work finally finished =)
i could go wash my lab coat now. but there's still the after lab works to do...CLEANING UP.

which we haven't even started. i wonder if they forgot. we're just too busy at the moment.

i don't feel any euphoria. i might just want to continue going back into the lab.

i've sent my DNA for sequencing to Korea~ like finally. that's also after much hardship (repeats of PCR). i nearly couldn't send mine if it wasn't for my SV's permission.

now i'll just wait for a week or more for the results. then it's another story. i'm suppose to have Lactobacillus (remember yakult) if it's other than that, then i'm soooooo doomed. >_<

lab's finished. there's thesis writing. my draft is like all over the place. i don't know what or where to start. so i'm sitting here staring to the space, trying to think what to do.

now i'm getting worried for getting a placement in any companies for my internship program. did i tell you the SDMC doesn't take interns anymore for lab work? ai is so sad. really. when i so badly wanna go learn things at their lab, they stopped taking interns. sighs

reminder

never ever do things slow and last minute. if it's individual, try put yourself first then trying to hold back and wait for others.

now we all suffer, trying to rush, to get enough DNA from PCR.

i am so lost for words.

confession: i will want to use this last chance to do my project alone and be petty to myself and by myself in the lab so i could get back the bands i got before. i'm desperate.

i'm sorry, but i really need this chance.

selfish, self-centered, bossy, fussy, petty

now i truly misses Mrs Koh. Real bad.

so far, only Mrs Koh and my supervisor, Miss Lee are the only ones that is so petty, perfectionist and strict when it comes to laboratory work.

yes, forgive me, again, because here i go, i wanna complain, wanna release wanna blabber about lab work. thankyouverymuch.

fine. i'm petty.
i see wrong in every other people's moves.
i like to 'tegur' other people saying this is wrong that is wrong.
i demand alot during lab work.
i'm perfectionist.
no dirt, scribble, or a drop of water must be on my apparatus even though it's just a plastic.
i take no chances on contamination.
i make sure everything clean even if it means of throwing away an unused pipette tip that is still clean, BUT had been exposed outside too long.
very petty, very fussy, very demanding.

i don't know if it's a wrong way to excel in lab work especially to sensitive work such as DNA but to me, my eyes, and my mind, all i know is that this is the correct way.
tell me if i'm wrong. then i shall see.

a person says i'm demanding. i uses just washed, clean, plastic surface to put my DNA mixture on top before loading it into the gel instead of a parafilm, that is sitting outside on the table, with dusts and what not that sticks to it. i don't say it's wrong. it's fine, the lecturer's been using it too. it's just that in my opinion, clean surface is better to reduce contaminants.

this is parafilm, to seal things

this is the agarose casting gel ( i think it's called that) to make gel.

the plastic that i use

groupmate's irritated with me, yes i know.
i mean, who likes being told at, saying what you did is wrong and this is right, breathing down your necks when you take so much stuffs and being selfish and all? i'm selfish too in lab work. who don't.

or i just can't work in group environment. i don't know. we've been doing PCR for about 3 times already. some got the results that we wanted but not all of our samples succeeded. we failed most of the time. i just wish when we're doing it tomorrow, it'll be better because we did it under our SV supervision. the other failed attempts was during her absence.

like i say, if truth to be told, if truth to be spilled, i dare say, from what i think and what i feel is right according to what i see and think, that some of them is just so slack in doing lab work.
i know it's their own project, but since we're sharing those chemicals, their carelessness will contaminate it and those who are using it will be affected as well.
i did it individually (without them around) the day before, and my SV was at the same room as she was having class. (yes, i was doing my work when lessons is on). she saw and observed and explained to me things like to always have the chemicals on ice where every i go. when i said this to some of my groupmates, their faces turned black (that's from my POV). must be thinking why so busybody huh?
so fine i shut up (but i can't really control my mouth from opening again) and let them get their own consequences or in other words, learn by themselves. i doubt they will.
they slack, not being careful, can't stand tiredness, too weak, not so dedicated, not enthusiastic.
when the SV came today, and supervise after all those failures, truth to be told, i feel gleeful. yes, glee. i'm not lying or being nice now. i wanna smirk, and laugh at their faces (there's one that i soo wanna do) and say TOLD YA SO. i tried helping by correcting. i'm not good at explaining or talking. you don't wanna hear, accept, done. you lose.
the SV 'tegur-ed' every single things that she told me the day before. all those petty things that i did, they don't, and think i'm demanding.

and truth be said, in my facebook status, i said "if only Mrs Koh is here to see all these. no one will survive with her perfectionist attitude." it is directed to those people. i'm positively sure one person will die by the first hour of lab with Mrs Koh. her measurements taking even just using a measuring cylinder is all wrong. if they don't get it. i'm pretty sure they will from the comments below. if not, that few person is so damn thick headed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
that's one thing.


i know part of myself. i know i can be selfish, i don't like sharing things, i put words in people's mouths, and one big thing, i love to point fingers at other people.
especially lab work.

if we share, it might be another person's fault because it might affect mine.
if we do things for each other (helping out in lab work) it might because of them too it didn't work out. (i don't say helping is bad, and not being thankful for people who willingly helping. but for those who don't even take precaution steps and don't know what they're doing and wanna help, it might be their fault).
i uses lecturer's name to back up what i said during the times i tegured what's right and what's wrong. i didn't lie. it's correct, it's just that the was i said it was like "you can't do this, or it's not like that because this so and so tell me yesterday/before".
i lurve (noted l.u.r.v.e.) to pin point fingers. yes. i had no back up explanation, because i myself agrees. i didn't see this as part of the wrong me, until one particular groupmate who got pissed off, say it out loudy right to the face saying it as though a joke, but the true intention is not just a joke. i'm lying if i say that i just laugh it off. i put on a straight face throughout the ordeal, laugh, and continue to talk and be friendly, being not offended. but deep down, i admit, i'm about to cry (well, not always you have someone telling you something straight at your face no?), and it affected me till now. and i know it's one thing that i won't forget for a long time.

sorrylarh you people got landed on someone so petty, perfectionist like me (sarcasm).

like any human thinks they're right, and everyone's wrong, i hereby saying that i did what's best for me, and i will continue being 'demanding'. while you people, you careless, ignorance people, shall go with your ways. like the hell i cared. period.


i don't say i have the most better FYP project than them, but in serious lab work situation, i excel more.

p/s: i soooooo wanna have that few person read this, feel the pinch, and get lost.

"gone la you"

after months for not wearing earrings, i try again to poke it through the earlobe to check if the hole is closed like i always did since the past 2-3 years ever since i had weekly trainings.

but this time, the left one really closed off. i panicked. everytime i checked i had this scared feeling.
i panicked and try to find the hole only to have an inflamed earlobe, and a closed hole. then i googled "what to do if your earlobe hole closed". really. seriously.

i thought of asking a friend to poke it for me. i thought of just giving up and waited till i get back to have it re-pierced, then get scolding cause i've been warned all the times that if it's closed, i'm dead meat.

my sister knows this so she said, "gone la you".

so i try poking it with the earring, it did. then now i have this small plastic thing sticking out at the hole so that it won't close anymore.

i'm so freaked out, i'm impressed that i finally got the guts to poke through a skin (thin one btw), and thankful that the hole opened again.

the same age

my cousin of the same age recently got married. congratulations, Patricia =)
i like how she arranged her wedding dinner, so unlike those normal chinese weddings. it's romantic and nicely put out.

then, my dad seemed to accidentally mentioning saying when i'm going to grow up, be independent, think for myself. and then he'll add in "see other people get married already" for a few days right after the wedding. man, if he's trying to dig out to see if i have a boyfriend already or not, dad, sorry to say, nobody wants me. lol

let's just hope my dad will forget this on my next holiday. and nobody EVER mention this thing in front of me. EVER.
let me finish my studies, practical, graduation, getting work, and maybe continuing studies again and do what ever i wanna do first. i'm not that eager. i think marriage scares me.

thankful

told ya i did a crazy thing.
but it turned out right in the end.
i'm one happy, satisfied person. =)

though i missed out the last 2 days of the competition but i had fun for the first 5 days. 5 days is better than 2 days rite?
i will definitely miss those tiems where we run under the heavy rain, seeing me having ice kacang to myself after my game when theirs haven't, sleeping together in the bus, having locked out of the room and having 4 person sleeping in a 2 person room, inventing stuffs together, making a game as though it's a football match.
thanks for the memories =)

not everyone is in as they haven't reach to UKM.
we're killing the time while waiting for our call to enter the stadium.

the science fair is fun too, not to be forgotten. thought i only have1 day duty, so it wasn't that busy. all we did was to entertain the people who came asking about the microbes, the art, the soft toys that my group sew ( i seriously had fun doing that and completing it was the best. since i've never sew a soft toy before ngee). all in all the best was those kids and adults alike, wants to try out the streaking since the catch was to get the smaller soft toys that we made as a free gift.

 the microbes that we sew. it was originally copied from Giant Microbes website

where they sells a more cuter version (and better haha)

but ours is good.

did i mention we get to keep it? ehehe

see. the smaller ones that we gave out to people.

i might've as well take arts wei.

btw, meet Lactobacillus

now, there's quiz, and thesis draft to be handed in. gotta go have some mood to do. bye now.

crazy

it's 2am and i was suppose to finish up the progress report.

then i decided to ditched learning the PCR for the FYP to go for competition. no, i won't extend. that if i get to finish up the PCR and nothing happens to it *touchwood*

but i'll come back early for the exhibition.

i've learn the train routes, the bus station, the bus schedule. i've never done this before. i've never went out of the comfort zone, never out of the boundaries.

i just hope everything will be alright, and that when i come back for PCR which i'll have to do without anyone assisting me, it will go accordingly like in the protocol. no DNA digested, no ruined agarose gel, (shit. i don't know how to do agarose gel), no messy sequences, no dirty DNA kept that need to be sent for sequencing.

i need to read up more and learn by myself. i really am finding things to ruin myself don't i?

self-pity

i just hope that the decision that i made after i woke up suddenly from a nap to study for tomorrow's test doesn't give me the biggest regret ever.

i've decided to drop out from universities games (SUKIPT) to give way for my FYP. the FYP was suppose to finish by this week itself. but due to some things in between and all, i think it'll go on all the way to the end of this month. the competition will be end of this month, and it'll take a whole week.

i don't know. i got up feeling pissed and all and ready to snap at anyone, until my sister cool me down abit then i just send some texts over to the team manager and a substitute saying that i had to drop out.

so i'll just look forward to completing the FYP and helping out for my SV's science fair exhibition.
that's what i wanted right? to finally get to join for the science fair.

like everyone was saying, i had too much sports experience already. i know that too, when i realized that my resume achievements are all focused on sports only.

bye then

hard work

i'm that kind of person no matter how long i spend my time in the lab, redo back each steps to get the right results, i will still won't be able to achieve what i wanted to get.

my groupmates bacterial cultures are so active that they react to every single reaction, while mine was, slow, small growth, and is sometimes unstable, i admit i felt all the jealousy that i had in me. i don't know where i did wrong in the keeping stock step.

the aim was to isolate out lactobacillus and as i progressed along in each step, i was getting more and more afraid that there won't be a lacto that is a probiotic.

and at these times, i'm quite snappy, well in the mind not verbally. once i heard a person who doesn't go lab for a whole day says that they're so tired out, i'll snap back (in my mind). they're a weak person, i'll think. they're too pampered to stand long hours in  the lab, i'll think.

but then, progress doesn't count how long you'll be in the lab. it's how effective you are. oh wells i guess i'm not. i kinda prefer to stay in the lab as i can see what i've left off and forgot to do.

i'm tired of doing all the washing for people who uses tips and never wash them. they think they're washing it when all they did was to soak it in dettol and leave on the bench for days. and when there's short of tips, they'll use the ones that you've clean, autoclaved and ready to use just for that day. there's no tips, i have to postpone my work, and i ended up washing those tips as i don't wanna say anything, and washing it i too could use it as well. to wait for them to wash, that day will never come. yeah i'm complaining. i just can't stand unorganized bench areas and unwashed stuffs.
i'm sick of opening drawers that is just cluttered with used aluminum foils, unkept chemical containers, used tissues all over the the bench, stained bench, unkept growth jar back to the incubator waiting for the bacteria to die outside on the bench, well..everything. i could complain all day with all the contaminants all over the bench. and yet these people's bacteria grow ever so happily unlike mine. maybe i need to be more dirty.

how do you feel when you open the box that you share, all cluttered, when you've arranged it the day before? don't 'cha feel like flipping the box upside down?
one term that i've learnt : "sabo je lah"
either way, arrange it back when it becomes intolerable(then repeat this step a few days after), or leave it as it is.

well actually this whole post was just because i wanna complain out on the last paragraph. in everyone's group, there will be one who will piss you off. and all you have to do is to clean things up after them just so you know things will be organized and that you and them will have sufficient stuffs to use on the next day without all the drama and conflicts and complaints face to face. slave la cause these people will never learn.

we always have a miscommunication.

i don't know if you know it.

try to fix it.

i tried.

i failed.

let me just give you a French Connection aite?

felt it

when a person says i'm feeling sad lonely when at this this at there there.
and you'll just go oh yea i'm sorry to hear bout that cause you have people around you that makes your daily life colourful.

but when that one day, eveything changes into new things..

like my sister who doesn't have a roommate, and having a hard time making friends in class, well, because all of them are looking for friends for benefits ( in study wise) and they just ditched her one side when she's of no use anymore. she ate lunch and dinner alone sometimes, and going to class and sitting alone..

now it's my turn. lunch, dinner all alone. even now in the room. and going to lab and do my work too, all alone.
when i thought i have friends, but it's another kind of meaning friends. they're not the close ones and the ones that will be with you or the spontaneous ones. they're close friends too (i'm just too confusing) just that somethings can't be clicked in a right way..

was just wondering if my way of making friends was the wrong method?

p/s: missed having a noisy room
pp/s: never knew what i had till it's over

hands on

i don't really much like writing reports.

notes, yes.

i think i prefer hands on on stuffs rather than reading and trying to imagine a thing happening.
 okay, wait this is random.

did i mention i got a whole new roommates? the old ones are going to their industrial training plus, their course is only 3 and a half years. mine's bit much longer.

the new ones are 360 degrees different than the old ones. they sleep much earlier, and are light sensitive. the old ones are much later and light..well, light no light, we just slept through.
guess i'll be in the dark for 1 semester. maybe it's a start to try sleeping early and getting up early as well. =)

misses home..like, alot.

that's all

bestie (okay maybe not that extent) is the way 'it' used to be! yeay

we're talking, sneering, laughing, everything like it was just before well except i'm still self conscious in doing the wrong thing. the awkwardness.


i'm too sleepy, and lazy especially to do anything. bye.

after last time

after last 2 years, the same thing happened again.

this time, it involves my classmate. and yes, there are some things that i don't like about her, her attitude that is. i have a problem myself too, where i can't readily accept people for who they are.

and so conflicts happened after 2 months of silence and bearing with each other. i said sorry, she understands, we have misunderstandings, and so far by the likes of it, everything is ay okay now. i hope so because we talked thru facebook.

to keep things clear, i don't wanna tell her that she still must not be rude to people..yeah well, it that's a person's personality, then i don't have to rights to interfere.

and i learnt today is that be truthful to the person, and admit your mistakes if you had done wrong and if the other party understands and forgiving, everything will be okay and hopefully, normal.

last 2 years, i wasn't that truthful..i guess..

i just really wish nothing like this will happen again. and i do really want my bad habit of not accepting people for who they are GONE.

bye

p/s: i guess i have gone matured along the way eyh? LOL

oh noes

SV wanted the literature review tomorrow. i haven't done anything. shoot.

FYP stress

i'm not sure if my problems for FYP will come again and i know it will, but it seems like mt groupmates been crying because it's too stressful.

cannot be that our SV strict ah...meh

p/s: when we'll be back to how the way things were?

2 years.

3 weeks.

it's been 3 weeks before we exchanged 2 sentences.

"who's using that laminar flow?"  and  "where did you get the (ziplock) plastic bag?"


at least we're exchanging sentences.

i'm really very thankful for having friends that cares about your feelings. today wasn't a great day for the 3 of us who stayed together in an 8 people room. when i broke down due to all stuffs that's happening, they consoled in their own ways.
i noticed their efforts, trying to joke at some little bit stuffs, making fun of something, making a fool of themselves, buying vitagen and ice cream for everyone. and staying by my side. i'm just happy amidst all other things.

they're all so quiet in the car compared to the usual noise because i still haven't stopped.

i'm pretty scared of my parents. especially when my FYP's not going so well and that i might have to repeat back again. my parents are fine people, it's just that they want us to do better

thank you again, i shall remember forever

not right

when i said lab was depressing on the last post, well i was hoping that it will get better. but it ended up worse.
my bacterial stock cultures that i kept in the freezer for further tests and also as a backup incase the ones in the plates dies off seemed to have some problems.
when i tried sub culturing it (reviving it back) into a new fresh broth last 2 days ago, half of it shows no growth. i tried adding more again yesterday, and today that half of it shows no growth at all.

the other half that could grow suddenly didn't show any signs of growth after i sub cultured it for the second time. i did the second time to ensure that it will be active and all..but why no growth?

it's already near the end of the experiement and my bacterias showing no growth? i was praying and hoping that its not dead like how my SV said it might be..

with my friend not talking to me, possibility of bacteria dying, group mate's being an ass, lab session could not get any more depressing.

i was on the edge, i was thinking of throwing everything away, go back home, get new wheatberries, calm down, get back to uni and start all over again.

it's like the wheatberries crisis all over again. i guess i need to be more patient..

they said

going to lab nowadays is like depressing

they said my friend there doesn't wanna hurt my feelings.

y u so stupid?

by doing this, you're hurting my feelings. why can't you be more sporting a lil bit? we're just friends, you're like my buddy. geez

just because someone's getting engaged soon in a year's time it doesn't mean cutting off our friendship just because i'm a girl. not even a smile from you. all i saw was pretend to not notice me that i was there.

if you want it, fine then.  i can't stand seeing it.

change of behaviour

i realised that i've changed drastically.
i noticed that i seemed to be bad mouthing people behind their backs more often now..
and i once randomly scolded a random person who offended my by throwing fireworks towards my classmate. yeah well serves him right. but to go to that extend, definitely not my style. i could only stare at the person last time..


i.must.go.back.to.what.i.am.previously.

classmate.bestmate.team manager.team member.a person that i could fool around with without being embarrased. is still not talking to me. =( why you no want to talk to me ya?

missings.

nevermind, it is not important anyway thankyou

regarding this thing where..oh, nevermind i gave up.

no, really. it's not important.

funny thing

a person wanna be friends with me but i don't know what happened, some other person interrupted and be my friend instead.
kacau.

ijustdontwannaknow

sigh. ain't that person gonna talk to me? even after i tried talking and smiling all?

i'm tired trying to get back talking. i just don't want to lose that friendship.

and i heard stories among classmates. i'm quite sad for a small class to have groups that can't get along with each other. worse, some group even went to the extent of using and innocent person by lying to her so that their plan will never be known to another group. all because of wanting to hang out with the guys? are they like desperate or what? these people never grow up.

i would just want to go back and breathe Klang's air again. it's just too stuffy over here with so much personalities that we have to bear. *shivers*

oh wells, take it as a practise larh

bye now

i emo la

i'm not sure if i'm being too sensitive but..

we stopped talking and joking around to each other =(

miss you being there, everywhere.

i felt like you've changed, maybe i've changed or we've changed.
if we could get back to the old times.

lust

i lust for books and more books. i think there's an upcoming book fair from bookxcess in klang next week. so not fair when i'm no where near home =(

i haven't even finished all the books that i bought last few months ago. i think there's about almost 10 books. but i still want moreee.

nerd much? nope. ^^

and i should stop eating a second helping for dinner. i started doing that ever since i crave for food that klang have and kuantan don't.  i miss nasi kandar over at pelita's and plain kaya and tau sar pau =/

shit.

secret exposed.

liking and forcing to forget another person is so hard i would rather be a nun.

i know la it's FYP..but

 "*** ingt nk rehat, x nk dtg lab isnin ni. make sure awk, ***, ***** dh buat dlu tau, gram staining.. selase tu *** buat gram staining + bacterial culture dlm broth sekali gus"\

oh so now you ordering people to do what you want them to do so you can do your stuff the next day? you think the lab belongs to your ancestors ah missy? if you want to ask also cannot ask nicely and politely?

sigh if i lose all patience with this fella i'm sure to have replied something sarcastic or say her straight just now. what kind of people that i find during FYP times. double sigh. dah la same group.


MENYAMPAH.

misunderstood

friendzoned and jealousy.

so glad

i'm so so glad that the wheatberries grew! i used up the whole packet of it and it some how managed to grow alot that i have enough for the bacteria isolation.

and one thing that makes my day today, the spreading to isolate the bacteria was perfect =)
it was all beautiful and i wasn't expected it to be isolated nicely. i expect some weird agar distortions or some fungus growing on it or something. but i was so happy after taking out the plates from the incubator! hehehe

finally i get to start on the FYP. i did some streaking today after the spreading. i don't think it'll go well since i wasn't putting much concentration in doing it.

btw, i caught my classmate red-handedly taking stuffs from my group's bench. it was just some parafilm that we cut and stored so we can use anytime we want. i saw her taking it, but i don't wanna be so 'pointy fingers' and at the same time i wanted to use the parafilm as well. i went and find for it where i last left it on the shelf but it was gone. so i went and try asking her if she saw my group's parafilm.
omg you should see her face, it was so fake, with the shoulder action and everything, "oh no, tak, saya tak nampak". so fine, since she's lazy to cut for herself, i 'donated' it to her. and i saw another fella opening my group's storage box to take the bunsen burner from our box and other people's boxes. talk about no privacy.

oh well, at least they didn't do any other things that's fine with me.

all in all, i forgive you because i'm so happy with my spreading technique. ^^v

keep calm

okay, i finished up the last of the wheat berries that mom bought.
all i have now is to wait, pray and hope that it will grow in the next 3 days at least.
if things go smoothly, i thank God.
if things are what i'm afraid of, i might have to wait and get new wheat berries and start all over with 1 or 2 week(s) wasted.

all i have to do is to keep my mind clear, and remind myself that this wheat berries need longer time to grow.

i almost gone mental man.

These are the wheat berries and the amount that i used
fyi, this is after i threw the first one that fail..sigh

These are the ones that does grow after I separated it out

Now you know why I'm feeling desperate. I didn't know FYP would be this..well unexpected. all i need now is a miracle for me to be able to start on my work..

For this few months I felt so disturbed and confused with everything that's happening. Bro's like duno how many thousand miles away, my sister's problems, grandma had surgery on her knee, grandad's being weak now he can't stand up for longer periods, a cousin got married that i didn't attend, another cousin getting married that i might not able to attend, and i don't even know how's mom and dad's doing since they never would want to tell me if they're good or bad..no wonder i couldn't focus in the lab and kept on breaking and dropping glasswares.

now i know why

i was really looking forward to do my FYP after the finals. but it all came crashing down on me when i got to know that it might take up another 3 more months.

i haven't even stepped into the house ever since February and now i might have to stay here until after August?

and my wheatberries aren't really helping out now. i made the first batch to ferment, but it didn't sprout after 3 days and i threw it away and did a new batch. i hope it's growing.

now i know why some people might cry because their project's not working. i'm so desperate for my wheatberries to grow i wish i have some magic beans that grow overnight.

plus my groupmate is just so irritating bugging me in the middle of some experiment, standing so near to me saying "oh, i just want to see how you're doing it then i'll follow your steps."
man, i borrowed those library books out for you just to have you followed the steps from the manual like i'm doing can't you get the hint?
and then after quite some time, she'll say, "i'm waiting for mei yin la. she's doing it so long i can't even have my turn." dang it you. i told you do to it on your own no? now you wanna blame me. darn rite bugger.

now i'm frustrated because after gram staining all i get was cocci in purple stain instead of rod in purple stain. what happened to my Lactobacillus? now i wanna cry.

worse, i wanna go back home at least to just see mom and dad's face. they're worrying already on why haven't i been able to come back home for 5 months now. i'm feeling like some sabahan or sarawakian student at the moment.

independent

i guess sometimes being independent is good too.

i, myself who never did any organising or packing things up except for the long semester break, finally have to do everything for myself from packing, sealing, storing, and cleaning.

when the boxes goes into the store until the next semester, i feel so glad that i did all these. hehe

yeah well, this comes from a person that is truly pampered at home where i practically don't have to lift a finger to take heavy boxes. alrite?

bye~

harsh?

i guess mom's being very harsh on me. i still can't get my hair dyed, she still nags me about my exam because i can't do well, i practically have the same restrictions before i entered uni.

i'm not sure maybe it's because i'm the oldest and i have to be more responsible or something.

maybe she have her reasons.

but why does my sister got the approval to have pink stripes on her hair? haiz

i shall go live on like an innocent,responsible child. thank you

cleaning up people's leftovers

i'm tired of always cleaning up other people's mess. i sometimes unconsciously or knowingly or worse, willingly volunteered cleaning up their mess that they've made whether it's big or small.

why i did that i have no idea why? is it pity? or just plain naive? or that i don't have my own standing?

and i always give in to what people wants and requests.
still can't learn how to say no, and will never learn.

funny thing is that i feel happy or glad that i actually did something for people. i'm not actually complaining, i was just wondering why i can't be more tough.

being 23 and still not being matured is not what i was thinking of last time.
feeling bored and went and disturb your classmate when you're suppose to be studying for finals, have childish conversations, having grudges to people who you're uncomfortable with..that is so un-matured.

my idea of being matured is to be more polite and manners, have less grudges, doesn't smile for no reason on the way to the toilet just because there's something nice happening in facebook or any teenager-ry stuffs and more serious in exams.

and no crapping. what am i crapping any way now? bye.

when i'm not there

the guilt, when your sister is crying wanting to go back and feeling all scared being alone

when you are having fun with your friends and laughing away.

if only i could find a guardian angel to help me take care of her i would give up anything.

i just hopes she gets to learn to be alone and find friends to be with her..

it depends.

my sister's making me very emotionally unstable.


for once, i would love to depend on someone and have them decide things for me and help me with stuffs that i find difficulties with.
i always have my parents with me, but their attention are divided more to my siblings who needs more care and help.

it's been a tiring 3 years, where i can't even depend on someone without getting ffk-ed on halfway.

Life didn't tell me that being independent could be very tiring and not to mention, frustrating.

i shall go on like how i did.

fallen

i always tend to fall  like the wrong person.

 very wrong indeed.

or maybe, maybe just because he had a flat stomach that i think it's sexy?

lol

okay, enough.

got on hold

spending the night advising away to a friend that had received a news from her 4 years-for-sure-will-be-together-for-life partner saying he wanna end it all.

now, why do i always end myself up in advising people in relationships when i myself wasn't never been in this situation once at all?
i'm not complaining it's just that i sometimes wonder if whatever i said to comfort them and make them be reasonable actually makes sense and did it really helped? i wasn't into knowing what happened later so..yeah..i won't know.

i guess watching TVs and movies and reading too much drama books really give all those knowledge huh?

and i'm spending the night away comforting my sister. sometimes i would just like to abandon uni and run back home. FYP's progress report's due next week, and i would have it on hold until my sister get comfortable in a new place.

Note to self

i would not like to remind myself again and again.

no more situation like it was 5 years ago.

no more.

i must and shall come back straight to where i want to go.

no more.

of everything

she said she's scared and will be scared for long. i don't even know what to do even after tons of messages of calming her down. her one and only friend from home ditched her for better friends. and she's been all alone for a week. and i'm really glad that she get to go back home today.
this week was like the saddest week ever. never once day i'm not worried about her. i even ditched friends and hurrying back to my room so i can talk to her online. i messaged her so much i think i need to reload my credit again after reloading it since last 2 weeks ago..
all i can hope for now is that everything will be okay and be better

it finally sets in

it just hit me that i just realise that my sister who don't go hang out with her friends and never once left the house for a few hours has not been home for the past 24hours.

she messaged me and said she's lonely and alone. i replied back, but she didn't reply. all i just hope that her orientation could bring her something nice and more friends.

i keep on imagining how she's gonna go have breakfast, lunch and dinner herself. i'm afraid she won't be having any of it because she's alone. why can't she just sends an sms instead of fb messages?

everything sinks in and i'm feeling at worst now. i can't even concentrate and read for tomorrow's quiz and completing my FYP's progress report, lab report and assignments.

sometimes, i wish i'm not the oldest among the siblings. i rather be the spoilt youngest child so i don't have to worry about younger siblings being okay in different environment or not. and mom didn't even update me on my brother at all.

what i'm doing? omg

never in my life i would want my final year to end this way.

as i have mentioned before, there's 3 puppies born in my uni compound just few days ago. i was happy. very. and still is. but the problem is that as usual, dogs in uni are not welcomed and we've been hearing stuffs like the guards kicked the dogs in order for them to be chased away, (but i heard there's nice guards too that request the students to shift them to somewhere else that they don't interfere with classes). and then there's students posting in the uni group saying they wanted the dogs to be taken down. there's all these controversy happening in one FB page between the dog lovers and anti-dogs.

anti-dogs are so exaggerated sometimes. issues that have been 2 year old (since 2009) have to be forgotten cause the dogs involved then was not even around anymore. they just simply brought it up and starts saying that the dogs now are dangerous. i even read that they said the dogs are chasing them around near their hostels.

okay out of topic. so basically, about 2 hours ago, my and a friend all of the sudden created a group specially for the dogs due to pressure. well, she is. and we added in friends and unknown people and the notification shoots up like a tsunami. i was suppose to be finishing my assignment and i somehow got stalled. (i finished it anyway).

it was nice seeing students wanting to help and we got a person to volunteer to adopt a puppy. yay~ now there's left is the mom and her other 2 more pups. no one seem to want the mom. =/

i would adopt if i could, only dad doesn't allow and there's no space at home.

and so we come to a conclusion that we'll give them away to the Malaysian Dogs Deserve Better organization if no one wants to adopt them. it'll be hard cause we need to bring them all the way back to Selangor.

any one of you wanted a dog? or a puppy? =)

and i named the mom Alex. i find it a nice name and i'm sticking to it. but the members of the group some wanted it to be called Browny (cause they had been calling her that since they saw her) or Koopy. lol
so i said we could call her anything we want.

i just hopes everything gets settled faster seeing that finals are in a week's time. i'll be missing them when they get a better home. =)
it's like i have a temporary pet that i couldn't have at home. =/

i present you, Alex.

we're playing with her after she comes out from the hiding place

she likes belly rub lol

we've been visiting her frequently after dinner. i tend to go before nightfall so that i get to see her clearly. her puppies are all black in colour and i don't wanna miss them too.

i had this wanting of not seeing her anymore as soon as possible cause with not seeing her, i know that i don't have to constantly worry about if she will be missing after each day we see her. missing as in she might relocate herself and we can't find her, or someone had taken her somewhere and do the things we don't wanna think about. and i'm worried that the uni admin will call us over and start on giving harsh comments about the dogs just because they might be one sided. sigh.

real hope that this ends soon as semester break's getting nearer.

4 more days

i almost forgot mom's birthday. i guess it'll be her first having a birthday with all of us not around. not like she allows us to celebrate it for her 'nyway.

after 4 more days, my class will be going for a trip down to KL on bionanotechnology. it'll be fun. i guess. i'll have fun. i think it'll be our last trip together.
they irritates me through out the years. but i'll miss them.

hey, what am i talking all? i have 1 more semester to go. lol

paranoid in sleep.

it's today.

i dreamt that my mom called and telling me updates on the orientation and stuffs then i hear suppressing crying sounds.

paranoid in sleep much?

puppies!!

yahhh soh cute and fluffy and smooth and fat.

hehehehe

i present you my uni's first very puppies (there's 3) born from a stray (maybe not. i should say abandoned) female dog that is sooooo tame and cute and smart that she knows how to stand still and wait for you to pat her. yaaaa

now i just hope that the uni authorities don't throw them somewhere or do something to them cause we have issues and tolerance between races that we must take care of. =/

well, it's quite sensitive but i do hope that they get to stay so i could see them like everyday

now i wonder if i could steal one and bring back home and my dad can't do anything but to let me have it. lol

it was him, now her.

first it was him, now her?

it was too sudden i don't know what to say. all of the sudden i'm getting news that she got a brand new laptop. then i heard scholarship. then i heard again on a bicycle. then i heard hostel. then i heard orientation.

i didn't expect them to go away from home in a month's apart duration.

now my dad could fulfill his statements of alone and eating non-fancy foods. yeah rite, he might ended up going to some fancy restaurant while we're not around eh?

i'm still in a state of shock. =/

btw, i realise now FYP's really having a favour towards me. it's hard, it's busy, it's too much work. but i prefer staying in the lab all day instead of being in the room.

in a serious need for conversation. just a hi, a bye, or even a random.


feeling so lonely =/

sometimes i wonder..

It's been 3 days. I miss them already. =)

minus Coach. heee

just because we didn't win

i wonder how my brother is now over in India. =/

i knew it

car accidents whether it's major or minor or just some run over a small cement log barrier could break your friendship.
that's if one's not sporting enough to forget.

its like it's in a rocky stage with tensions in the air especially when we're in the same group  for an assignment and it quite last minute. one moment she's asking me to do this this and that, and then in one turn around, she said she'll do it herself? i know she had that urgency personality where once they're in stress and tension mode, they'll want everything to work and to be done that minute they asked.
and i asked so much explanation cause i have no idea what she's talking about and she ended giving up and said she'll do it herself.

hmm i hope this coming long weekend break and her absence from uni because of some family matters will settle the tensions between us.
i so want to skip all the classes tomorrow and jump on the bus to Terengganu first thing in the morning for a weekend escape. though it's not considered an escape, at least it's not in uni.

 feeling like just drop whatever i have and doing now and just run away.

hm.

did something happen in that 6 hours when i'm not around?

 what's with the cold treatment?

(they must've found out about my blogg)

*that's what i've always think anyway*

well, whatever i complained was the truth anyway.

go feel butthurt yourself

no, i don't want it to happen again

somehow, everytime if i went out with just a friend, accidents tend to happen. and it's always involve automobile.

we went to Teluk Cempedak (the one and only nearest and clear beach that have McDonald's 24 hours and it's Kuantan's hotspot for youngters to well..lepak and date.) so i drove (yes i drove) and she sat at the side. she doesn't have the license but i trusted her and give her the wheel  since she said she drove a number of times before..well..a minor accident happened but it's just only accidentally going over a small cement barrier from the parking space. so it kinda scraped the bottom car abit which i don't see any dent (still hoping there's none) as we used our friend's car. i told her directly after that that i can't really let go giving her taking the wheel again and so we changed place..i wonder if she terasa or not..
so it reminds me back about 1 year ago on about the accident..
there's awkwardness between us at first. well, any girl would make mistake of forgetting to reverse and instead going straight and knock something in front. i almost did that twice. but soon after it's fine. but i'm still afraid cause you won't know what'll happen in a few weeks time. maybe she'll distance away from me. i try to 'smallen' the gap of the awkwardness but i'm not sure if i did..

i don't want that 1 year incident to happen again. losing another friend just because of some stupid accident. my fault yeah. stupid awkwardness.

maybe i'll just avoid going out with just 2 people that's all. sigh..

missings

oh ooo blogger changes its template.


another more week to go before he flies off to india.
i must say, we don't have a good relationship.
never once we do not bicker and try to piss each other off.
once we did, everything will set fire and my parents will come into action. we're in our 20's now. and it still never change.

but i'll surely miss that fella. i don't even know when is his next first semester break.
that pampered guy who never wash dishes and clothes.
i wonder what he'll do.

can't help thinking that the date's getting nearer and mom even don't allow me to go back at all to say goodbye.
i don't know why i'm being emotional with a brat like him.

oh wells.

btw, just had my FYP presentation yesterday and in my opinion, i done it so informally with all the laugh instead of the monotone presentation. don't even feel that it's the best.
however, my Bionanotechnology lecturer who's one of the panels said that he really enjoyed my presentation and it is "a very interesting presentation". okayy. and he gave me the highest marks among everyone in the room. what do i say? yay~ is what i say. hehe
(i really have to let this out. its not always i get praises from lecturers together with getting the highest marks at the same time LOL)

aren't my troubles, but i find it not understandable

i don't see why ptptn loans must be abolished. (okay, just because i didn't apply for it i don't feel the impact)

but i asked someone

"what does it makes you first apply for ptptn?"
she said " cause if i didn't apply, and if i use my parents money, they will not have enough for the month"

"okayy. then why do you said that when returning back the money and it becomes so scary like ptptn staffs are almost equal to loan sharks then? i don't understand"
she said,"because when we give back during the first few months it's okay but when it comes to almost finishing giving back they become very scary (or 'aggressive').

" but why at the back it is almost aggressive? how they can be when you're paying back very diligently? why? is it they drag the time?"
she said, "uh..yeah..like got some maybe the forgot to pay back or give back after a short time"

"there. that's why they acted like that la. they pay halfway and suddenly they don't pay. any people who lends money and suddenly you don't pay they will definitely treat you like how a loan shark treat a person."


that's why i said, not only ptptn is like that. try taking loan off from banks. and there goes your house.

am i right then? is it not common sense?

sometimes it's really frustrating

sometimes i wish i could just fall sick.
i'm feeling hot and sickly and tired,
but i never fall sick.
it's quite frustrating really, when you have all those signs of falling sick,
and you ended up still being healthy.

i don't want any headache or a hot forehead or a blurry vision (even though i'm wearing specs)
i just wanna get sick for once and get out of it.
*sigh*

btw, another tourney's coming up and leg's being bad again.
it still hurts.

thank you daddy =)

dad's advice must be taken and keep. lol

thank you papa for not letting me apply ptptn loan. i was insisting it last 3 years ago with reasons to lessen the burden on my dad's expenses on us and he scolded me for suggesting it and said "no you no need to apply loan. i can pay it for you."

now, i am reallyyyyyy glad that he said that now seeing all the fuss in applying and paying back to ptptn.

the truth now is that i'm listening to my roommates discussion on the loan after they had got back from a talk on how to pay back with 'faedah's' and 'percentage' and due date and limit months... i seriously do not understand one bit.

sorry loh i'm such ignorant person that i don't bother to know how to apply loan.

i rather not.

home

mom doesn't allow me to go back at the end of the month.
=(

"i can take the bus ah"
"anyone going to take the bus together?"
"nope"
"like that stay there. no need to come back"

whyyyyy??
iwannagobackhomee

what's this?

what's with news about my uni seniors getting all desperate to taste love before graduating?

i don't wanna hear anymore about some random guy that you want to introduce me to.

leave me alone!

yea i wish huh

i wish to have a another half so i can go away for holiday with the other half too.

oh wells.

sorry la too lonely with my roommate that had just abandoned me to go to her other half's house to meet his parents. lol

positive thinking. at least i can sing loudly in the room now.

of a friend's passing and Ash and Fudge

was on the way to the car when i got a message from a friend.

all i saw was "you know haridah..." on the message preview. when i tapped on it, she wasn't asking me for haridah's number or to ask if she keep in touched or anything. it came out as "you know haridah passed away today? sharon told me today" and i stopped in my tracks.

my friend and colleague in my first ever job in kindy. the one who endured the scoldings and shoutings from That Woman. the one who i gladly helped to ease the working burden by preparing soem stuffs for her. the one who called me up last time just for the fun of it. the one who opened up her heart to me and i tried to help but i don't know how. the one who teaches me everything.

she passed away in the morning of 3rd of April. i don't know why or how. i just know that she passed away all of the sudden that i still doesn't wanna accept the truth. i still have her number with me in my phone. i don't know what to do with it. i should've keep in touch when i thinks about her last time. i didn't because i'm afraid and i don't know what to talk with her after so long. and now i regret it. no more Haridah. no more thoughts of getting to keep in touch.

she's special. she's not a malay but she have a malay name. she's chindian and she talks better hokkien than me. she have this sore-throat voice that i still kinda remembers.

i'll miss her.
i miss you. do you know that, Haridah? and i'm worried about her kids, them without any parents now.
may you rest in peace, Haridah.

Haridah, 2009
taken by Somkiet who was playing with my phone

plus, from M-R's Fb, i got to know that Ash and Fudge passed away too. no more Ash and Fudge to look forward to anymore. more licking on the face, no more walking next to you when you walk around the Cleft. miss you.

Fudge
(i don't have a picture of Ash. why?)

mille crepe

yum. Nadeje's mille crepe

this. is mille crepe. not 'layer cake' for heaven's sake. *rolls eyes*
that's why it is not hard like those cakes out of refrigerator, you. "yer, when eat hor, it soft soft wan er, not hard wan?" that's why i told you it's not a c.a.k.e. loh. *sigh*

after that, another ignorant person, "yerr so nice i also want to eat kek lapis!"


ho.ho. go ahead and year your kek lapis larh.

what happened to the world of correct namings and labellings?

no, not looking forward to.

sis's results aren't great. it's okay but not great. mine is still worse than hers.

but still, just because it's not a straight A's for first time in her life, things are gonna change around my other families.
(i never get straight A's before in my whole life and somehow everyone knows i'm the lost cause. that's why these doesn't affect me)

i can imagine now with people talking about her and us and my sister's results are not at all expected because in their mindset, both my brother and sister are considered to be the best in studies in my father's side. i don't wanna think how their comments will be when the next time we meet them. all those sarcastic words that i don't wanna hear. i don't understand why must they compare in every thing.

and over in my mom's side will be much better, or maybe not. i'm not sure. they compare things too. mostly everything about their children's studies. the competition is wayyyy much more higher over here. it's like a race whenever there's this important exams coming up. the comments made are sarcastic too. i'm to afraid for my sister.

i seriously don't understand asians on why must they compare everything at all!
they have nothing but to compare. i compare things too, i don't like it sometimes because i feel like i'm being too kiasu. Asians. *sigh*

aih sigh

at first you discuss about my food prices. then my food stuffs became your food store?
i don't mind ppl asking food from me cause sharing is no harm.
but with words spoken to me as though you own it is one different thing.

"you got what jam?" (spoken cheena. and how does she knows i have 'jam'? did she just opened my closet?)
"you want jam? but you got no bread."
"i got bread la that's why i asking you for jam"
"you mean this? i don't have jam i have peanut butter." (as long i know, peanut butter spread is not jam)
"oh, i can't eat peanut butter now i might get sore throat but i want it for breakfast."
(you said you're sick and you want peanut butter as breakfast?)
"some more leh? you got what some more?"
"some more? i already shown you everything"
"no la, i want to see what you got mah. *peeking, peeking into ppl's closet*"

Leng tried to save me by saying ' you think her closet is a store meh?' but falls to deaf ears.

oh God save me from this unacceptable behaviour.

i was wondering..

does nature valley's granola bars that cost RM11.99 for 12 bars (actually 2 thin bars per pack with total of 6 packs) is too expensive?

a pack of 2 thin bars costs RM2. one bar cost RM1. expensive ah? plus it's an energy bar.. and it's wayyy much more cheaper than Snickers. i'm confused. when i ate the bars, other people will keep on saying "that expensive food", "the bar that cost RM1", or sentences that meant "that rich people's food" OHEMMGEEEEEE!!

how can such tasty and yummy, plus filling bars are considered expensive? aiyooo you people very kedekut oooooooo *sigh* how can i ever eat in peace with them commenting on my food prices all the time?

i only bought it once in a blue moon 'cause i was initially thinking of reducing my weight for competition. but it ended up as being part of breakfast, lunch or dinner whenever i don't have time to buy food. 'cause it's an energy barrrrrr. so i won't die of hungerrrrrrrr. GEEZZ

of coming tears and FYP

23rd is the due date for proposal. i need another correction by my supervisor before finalising the proposal.
but i don't have the time (but i can blog huh) with trainings and quiz and test and i realise i dont straight away do it in the microsoft word but instead writing it in Delta's big book. that is so stupid i know but from there, i could see what am i writing instead of just copy and paste everything.

i wanna just give up and just submit the proposal as the final draft. i don't think i could handle it anymore.

okay, Butt

okay, Butt. don't be such an arse because i don't need you to be in pain every morning. i don't wanna go limping from the bed to my table and all the way to the toilet every morning. i just wanna walk straight and i wanna run as fast and as far as i can. why must you be in pain?

yours sincerely,
Your Owner

learn sarcasm

if only sarcasm can be learnt because i needed a good sarcastic reply to people who poke you with their unfiltered words.


it'll be nice to be able to be sarcastic for a moment

here i go

i can't resist the temptation to tell the world.

"i felt like i'm living with a bullfrog in the room with all the burping sounds"

get up, burp.
stand up, burp.
shower, burp.
walk into the room, burp.
change clothes, burp.
sit down, burp.
walk out of the room, burp.
wash clothes, burp
do homework, burp.
chatting online, burp.
live skype chat, burp.
talking on phone, burp.
before sleep, burp.
having conversation, burp.
before eating, burp.
eating, burp.
after eating, burp.
going to sleep, burp.
on the way to sleep, burp.

i know you have stomach complications but to burp more than 10 times a day (burp as in not silent-after-dinner-burp but burp that sounds like a croak, more like a loud 'waakkkk')
you have a very very very bad habit for as a human.

sorry but no

sorry, what?

no way i'll let you butt into my business just because i've known you for a few months.
some people doesn't know what's personal matters is.

that's one thing about me.
i've changed to liking my own company and having a defined personal space (like when my specific sitting place is at one corner, and the space around it must not be invaded with other people's stuffs because i believe that they need to know where they can store and throw their stuffs at. don't they know what's organizing means?)

i said i liked my own company is just sometimes cause over here, once you let anyone know abit about you, they'll tend to dig and dig and finally forgetting what's privacy matters and not.
that's why i wouldn't bug into other people's business even though i admit that i itch with curiosity everytime. but since i want myself to be treated the way i want to, i treat them the same way.

i don't go asking 'eh, why you come back so late? dating ah? where you go ah?' or 'what is that ah?' or 'what you doing ah? i want to see.'

but some people just don't get it. especially the ones that went out dating and come back until after midnight still have the guts telling other people off (and talk behind ppl's back) for dating till so late at night. and i totally dislike people who said, 'what's this on your table?' and just take your stuff to have a look without asking permission.

suck it. i live by the rules and respect other people's opinions. 'nough said.

the dream

i just woke up and the one dream that i vividly remembered 2 hours ago was this:

a person whom i know was a dirty messy person. you know, presenting yourself to the public and being yourself in private is two different thing. and so, she decided to invade my space by hanging all her laundry all over and i was kinda pissed off. the tolerance was broken when she poured water all over the floor saying that she wanted to wash the floor but didn't bother to make sure all my books, boxes and appliances are off the floor. so, it's all wet.
then the scolding, the told off, the frustrations all came. all in the midst of these, another busybody person came and stare at us and i just told her off and to get going somewhere.

but in reality, i was sleeping and i realised that i was mumbling furiously in my sleep. i woke up halfway and realised it. my 2 roommates are in the room. so i pretend to go back to sleep and got up knowing nothing until one person who can't contain her curiosity and told and asked what i dreamt of.

i should've just pretend i didnt know about it. no one wants to tell that they had just dreamt of the person who's nearest to you and it almost happen the same thing in the dream and in reality rite? no.

being 23

being 23 is nothing really.
i still remember telling myself to be more mature when i was 22.
i was planning on telling the same thing again. but i doubt i will become one.

being 23 means uni days are almost over and my dad's retirement getting nearer and i need to really quickly get a career.
yes, i'm afraid that my dad's getting retirement because i realise that i'm the eldest and i have responsibilities.
and no, i'm not poor okay. it's just that i never once have a thought that i will graduate after my dad's retirement.

it's a good day today. it's been raining the whole day. wayyy more better than the days before where it's scorching hot over here in Pahang.

bye =)

p/s: i do somehow wish that i will for once win something in the upcoming tourney. i'm going for poomsae! no more sparring~ heh heh

oh my

my hostel now implemented a curfew! no one's allowed to go out or in after 11.55pm.

this is all because of that man who went into the girl's hostel and walk around doing God knows what at 12 in the midnight last few days ago.

i heard that he was drunk and he was climbing all over the hostel even the ceiling. yes, ceiling. i was wondering if they meant the roof.
another story was that he was pretending to be the maintenance man trying to enter girl's room by saying that he need to repair something.

i heard the guards were all running finding for him that night. and i heard the announcement asking everyone to close their windows and lock their doors.
but i didn't close the window though. the air was so stuffy.

and no. he didn't got caught. oh well.

but getting a curfew is so not fun. i don't go out till late at night but still, getting all locked up is another thing.

haih..i want to go back home =(

oh so nice

i know sometimes i misses how Mrs Koh used to teach and scold and being petty especially during laboratory sessions but having another Mrs Koh-feel-alike is no fun =(

my lab mates who definitely never experienced how Mrs Koh is like before got a shock when the lecturer went angry and said "you don't make me angry ah!" when none of us have any idea how to do chemical calculations.

but the similarity between her and Mrs Koh is that even though they did scold, they will sometimes smile and laugh at the end.

but one thing's not fun is without the old Cergases who will run to the blackboard to measure how accurate Mrs Koh's axis angles. and i still misses our slamba ways after being told off by her.

my lab mates just went panicky and throwing all unnecessary instructions until each and everyone of us is confused. oh well Mrs Koh or no Mrs Koh, this lab subject i must survive. lol

never felt happier

tourney finished today =)
i lost. again. but i was happy. lol
i usually won't get to score any points and i have this 3 year zero point record. and today i scored 2 with one kick and opponent's warning point =D
wait till you get to know the full score. it's 14 to 2. pathetic i know but getting to score points is like heaven.

i twisted my ankle and it's being stinging quite a bit but oh well. hehe

and who in the world shows a 'peace' sign after scoring 1 point? me. hmmm

i'm being nervous.
it's getting worse day by day.
my mind's been out of focus for a week and i don't understand what i'm listening in class
i don't wanna get my face slammed on on saturday.
i really doesn't want.

taekwondo is definitely not a good sport for me.

always

i've always let myself into something that i don't wanna do or be in.
what have i done again?
i'm the only one left
plus
a huge humiliation coming my way on saturday.



i pray and pray and pray that i will not lose. again. this time.

clear my confusion please

pacat and leech is it the same or not?

i know that there's pacat and lintah. then?

isn't it the same pacat or leech that bit me in M-R's house?

==

some know-it-all insisting that pacat and leech is different. please, humiliate me.

the leeches that bit me =/

home

home is at my mind now. wanting to go back to get some books that i have been wanting for so long. kuantan's one and only biggest (not really) bookstore only have one or two racks of english books. hmph.
can't go back since there's too many deadlines to cope with. haih
don't think will be going back too for the next break. geez

cravinggggg

i sooo wanted to have western and italian food naoo.
i want pasta, spaghetti, and pasta and lasagna yumyum

imhungry =(

awkward

i'm feeling awkward speaking mandarin now. i'm not even sure if i'm speaking correctly. sigh

chinese calendar

it says Jan 25th on the chinese calendar that it's my birthday. hiak hiak

'nyway, class starting tomorrow, gotta have to complete FYP's proposal. T_T

and i shouldn't mention the word 'fringe' cause my hair's back to where it is during form 6. all short, wavy, and messy. hair, please grow faster.

it's friday, friday, friday

friday's here. bah kut teh here i comeeeeeee! hehehehe

i hope i packed okay. i'm so lazy packing every semester i practically shove few tshirts into the bag and bring everybooks back home.

oh yea, i totally forgot what i wanted to say last few weeks ago..i took out the shoutbox cause it's not free anymore, so..no more shoutbox. =D

plus, i'm kinda into the First Love movie OSTs now. it's all in thai but since the melody is nice so i like it. and i think i could follow a few words from those songs now. heh heh

kop khun kap. hehe

A Little Thing Called Love

my classmate recommended me to watch this yesterday. since finals are over and i have nothing better to do, for now, i decided to watch it.
it was nice and romantic. well, if you're into innocent high school crush-love thingy then this is your movie. and mine. hehe
plus there's these slapstick comedies in it that put you into some emotional imbalance. once you're feeling all nicey and bubbly then suddenly something happens and you can't help but to laugh. or at one part where most easily touched in the heart people would cry, and all of the sudden there's this slapstick happened out of nowhere.

all-in-all, it's the best movie so far since i'm watching it the second time after about 5 hours since the first. HEH

oh btw, it's about this ugly girl having a crush on this popular handsome guy and she went into all kinds of effort to get noticed andhe liked her but he didn't tell until well, when the show almost end. sorry for the spoiler. heh heh. and oh, the lady in the black suit, have nothing to do with everything. she's where the most slapstick part happened. hahaha

go watch!

lol

this is what i've been in the room for the past few days
lol

stressed. a lil' bit.

when i get back home in the next week, i think i might have a 'environmental happening' shock. or maybe it's cultural shock?

i'm here away from all current happenings outside uni. it's 8th of Jan already and all i see is the white walls of the room, the skies and clouds and occasionally passing cars and sometimes laughter and shouts from random rooms.
there's no deco or anything red except the first room door down the corridor whenever i passed by to refill water or to go to the 'grocery' shop.

when i get back home, i'll see red red red red red red (NO. not my grade marks) and red everywhere especially (that if i get to go shopping) in shopping malls. except my house. we don't decorate. ha.ha.

this is the 3rd time that the Chinese New Year fever have no effect on me.
i feel so isolated.

oh well, back to studying for tomorrow's exam. i still don't think i can make this a grade A paper.
T____T

he.he

i seriously didn't read the last few chapters and just went for the exam thus all 4 questions in section c i kinda crap anything as my pen goes along the paper. somehow the more i write the more happier i get. i don't know why. in the end, instead of being sad that i crapped all that i can remember from the last quiz, i was satisfied with my answer? ==

oh well, another one more paper and that's it. this time, shall go study. ha.ha.

then i'll go back home and read read read read read all those unread books. yay~
nerd much?
i don't think by reading story books makes you a nerd. nooo. =p

it's already past 1.30pm and my roommate is still sleeping. that's us. we'll be sleeping at 6am everyday since last week and gets up from 12pm to 2pm. haha
now, i'm just sitting here waiting for the maintenance man to come and repair my another roommate's floor. i wonder if they remembered to come.

btw, listen to this. it's korean i know. that's what about korean songs. i don't bother looking up the lyric's translations and only listens to the melody. unlike current english songs now, every now and then there'll be curse words, sex, etc etc. yuck. except Colbie Caillat hehe

"FIX - Please Don't Say"

here i go again.

the thing i feared the most is

to have suddenly pop that vein in my head and gone cuckoo.

i'm almost near there now.
with no sleep and another more paper later, i'm already feeling restless.


need another help? =/

i can't make it.

no, i can't make it to finish reading Immunology by 9am. and it's already 6.51am. i'm so stress out so i decided to blog. ha.ha.

the room's really quiet like in an exam hall. the 3 of us are awake. 2 of us have no sleep at all. except naps from the afternoon.

i feel like wanting to cry, to walk out of the exam hall after sitting and writing just my id.

i forgot what i want to talk about. nevermind..aih

i still hope that i can do it. i seriously don't wanna fail this.

i don't know what to put for this one.

" a person who have no love experience gives advice on love
to a person who is in a relationship"

maybe just maybe, that the one without watched too much romance movies. maybe. just maybe.

i wonder where i got all the knowledge from. ha.ha.ha.


p/s: help. i don't think i can make it for tomorrow's exams. =(

a new year?

ha.ha.

i dreamt that i'm doing a complicated maths quiz that appears like a cross word puzzle and is given by Mr Chan.

no, no more PATs.

what a new year.