if only i know what's my personality really is

am i being a difficult person?

i can't see that on myself. an i had always thought i'm being the one being bullied and taken advantage of.

when a person who's status is lower than me ordered me to do this that yes that i know i'm getting bullied.

but when i'm the one who request the lower status person to help/does a work for me i'm not sure if i'm being a difficult person.
that, with a situation where this person have 3 hours and 20 minutes of working time left before he call it a day.

i just need about 20minutes of this person's help. and this particular person's schedule is as follows which i assumed on the time taken (following my speed of walking and taking things)

1.40 - 2.00 helping me
2.00 - 3.00 taking material because it needed some authorized person to take.
3.00 - 3.30/4.00 measuring material
4.00 - 4.20 throwing material
4.20 - 5.00 arrange data (which this person would not finish on time cause it takes more then half day to arrange due to slow-ness of its brain technology)

i'm being difficult because it can't finish up 'arranging data'. is that it?

and now it was saying that 'it's not that i don't want to help it's just that i can't and i don't have the time as i have so many things to do'. this person have been telling the same reason for the whole past month and yet get to help me.

i know and realise that there's no rest time in between but who rest after each task? and i could assume it's perfect schedule is to be

1.40 - 2.30 take material
2.30 - 3.30 measure material
3.30 - 4.00 sit/rest
4.00 - 4.30 throwing material
4.30 - 4.55 sit
4.55 get out and wait for 5 to punch out.

wow definitely this schedule is way much more better ain't it? even i would loved it. *sarcasm*

i know it moved and walked slowly due to health reasons *cough*obesity*cough*cough*
but seeing how yesterday it could get from the furthest storage area and back in 10mins and getting down the 2 flight of stairs (it'll usually get down in about 30seconds) is like a Usain Bolt broke his world record.


is this post on me being difficult or complaining on it?

yeah, i'm being difficult. i'll think more and take things more into consideration first before doing anything.

still confused.

It's been a month since i started. if i were to add up with my internship duration till now, it'll be the 6th month.

honestly, you'll be thinking that i should at least know who is who, whys, whats and hows by now.
but, no. i don't know who is who, i don't know why it's happening, i don't know how it's happening and i have no idea what's happening.
i don't know why i'm still confused. i don't know where to start on a task. where to refer to, what to refer, what to know, what to take note on, who to ask, why why why.

i'm suppose to be the one asking why and hows. but instead, i've gotten alot of whys and whys every single day. i don't know whys seriously, why bother asking me. i'm still learning.

and people still asking me why am i still doing a job for an intern student. am i getting bullied? i sometimes thinks so and sometimes don't. it feels like it is part of my job. i'm suppose to do everything from scratch, even the minor ones and the problem is that intern students are the ones that's doing the minor ones. i don't mind. it's just that, why people won't stop asking.
if they don't stop, i'll be more prone to thinking that i am, really gotten bullied.

i can't explain things. i'll do a task without asking much, without knowing much. then i will present the results without giving all the whys.

i feel so lack of knowledge.

now one thing, where am i to get the knowledge?