it depends.

my sister's making me very emotionally unstable.


for once, i would love to depend on someone and have them decide things for me and help me with stuffs that i find difficulties with.
i always have my parents with me, but their attention are divided more to my siblings who needs more care and help.

it's been a tiring 3 years, where i can't even depend on someone without getting ffk-ed on halfway.

Life didn't tell me that being independent could be very tiring and not to mention, frustrating.

i shall go on like how i did.

fallen

i always tend to fall  like the wrong person.

 very wrong indeed.

or maybe, maybe just because he had a flat stomach that i think it's sexy?

lol

okay, enough.

got on hold

spending the night advising away to a friend that had received a news from her 4 years-for-sure-will-be-together-for-life partner saying he wanna end it all.

now, why do i always end myself up in advising people in relationships when i myself wasn't never been in this situation once at all?
i'm not complaining it's just that i sometimes wonder if whatever i said to comfort them and make them be reasonable actually makes sense and did it really helped? i wasn't into knowing what happened later so..yeah..i won't know.

i guess watching TVs and movies and reading too much drama books really give all those knowledge huh?

and i'm spending the night away comforting my sister. sometimes i would just like to abandon uni and run back home. FYP's progress report's due next week, and i would have it on hold until my sister get comfortable in a new place.

Note to self

i would not like to remind myself again and again.

no more situation like it was 5 years ago.

no more.

i must and shall come back straight to where i want to go.

no more.

of everything

she said she's scared and will be scared for long. i don't even know what to do even after tons of messages of calming her down. her one and only friend from home ditched her for better friends. and she's been all alone for a week. and i'm really glad that she get to go back home today.
this week was like the saddest week ever. never once day i'm not worried about her. i even ditched friends and hurrying back to my room so i can talk to her online. i messaged her so much i think i need to reload my credit again after reloading it since last 2 weeks ago..
all i can hope for now is that everything will be okay and be better

it finally sets in

it just hit me that i just realise that my sister who don't go hang out with her friends and never once left the house for a few hours has not been home for the past 24hours.

she messaged me and said she's lonely and alone. i replied back, but she didn't reply. all i just hope that her orientation could bring her something nice and more friends.

i keep on imagining how she's gonna go have breakfast, lunch and dinner herself. i'm afraid she won't be having any of it because she's alone. why can't she just sends an sms instead of fb messages?

everything sinks in and i'm feeling at worst now. i can't even concentrate and read for tomorrow's quiz and completing my FYP's progress report, lab report and assignments.

sometimes, i wish i'm not the oldest among the siblings. i rather be the spoilt youngest child so i don't have to worry about younger siblings being okay in different environment or not. and mom didn't even update me on my brother at all.

what i'm doing? omg

never in my life i would want my final year to end this way.

as i have mentioned before, there's 3 puppies born in my uni compound just few days ago. i was happy. very. and still is. but the problem is that as usual, dogs in uni are not welcomed and we've been hearing stuffs like the guards kicked the dogs in order for them to be chased away, (but i heard there's nice guards too that request the students to shift them to somewhere else that they don't interfere with classes). and then there's students posting in the uni group saying they wanted the dogs to be taken down. there's all these controversy happening in one FB page between the dog lovers and anti-dogs.

anti-dogs are so exaggerated sometimes. issues that have been 2 year old (since 2009) have to be forgotten cause the dogs involved then was not even around anymore. they just simply brought it up and starts saying that the dogs now are dangerous. i even read that they said the dogs are chasing them around near their hostels.

okay out of topic. so basically, about 2 hours ago, my and a friend all of the sudden created a group specially for the dogs due to pressure. well, she is. and we added in friends and unknown people and the notification shoots up like a tsunami. i was suppose to be finishing my assignment and i somehow got stalled. (i finished it anyway).

it was nice seeing students wanting to help and we got a person to volunteer to adopt a puppy. yay~ now there's left is the mom and her other 2 more pups. no one seem to want the mom. =/

i would adopt if i could, only dad doesn't allow and there's no space at home.

and so we come to a conclusion that we'll give them away to the Malaysian Dogs Deserve Better organization if no one wants to adopt them. it'll be hard cause we need to bring them all the way back to Selangor.

any one of you wanted a dog? or a puppy? =)

and i named the mom Alex. i find it a nice name and i'm sticking to it. but the members of the group some wanted it to be called Browny (cause they had been calling her that since they saw her) or Koopy. lol
so i said we could call her anything we want.

i just hopes everything gets settled faster seeing that finals are in a week's time. i'll be missing them when they get a better home. =)
it's like i have a temporary pet that i couldn't have at home. =/

i present you, Alex.

we're playing with her after she comes out from the hiding place

she likes belly rub lol

we've been visiting her frequently after dinner. i tend to go before nightfall so that i get to see her clearly. her puppies are all black in colour and i don't wanna miss them too.

i had this wanting of not seeing her anymore as soon as possible cause with not seeing her, i know that i don't have to constantly worry about if she will be missing after each day we see her. missing as in she might relocate herself and we can't find her, or someone had taken her somewhere and do the things we don't wanna think about. and i'm worried that the uni admin will call us over and start on giving harsh comments about the dogs just because they might be one sided. sigh.

real hope that this ends soon as semester break's getting nearer.

4 more days

i almost forgot mom's birthday. i guess it'll be her first having a birthday with all of us not around. not like she allows us to celebrate it for her 'nyway.

after 4 more days, my class will be going for a trip down to KL on bionanotechnology. it'll be fun. i guess. i'll have fun. i think it'll be our last trip together.
they irritates me through out the years. but i'll miss them.

hey, what am i talking all? i have 1 more semester to go. lol

paranoid in sleep.

it's today.

i dreamt that my mom called and telling me updates on the orientation and stuffs then i hear suppressing crying sounds.

paranoid in sleep much?

puppies!!

yahhh soh cute and fluffy and smooth and fat.

hehehehe

i present you my uni's first very puppies (there's 3) born from a stray (maybe not. i should say abandoned) female dog that is sooooo tame and cute and smart that she knows how to stand still and wait for you to pat her. yaaaa

now i just hope that the uni authorities don't throw them somewhere or do something to them cause we have issues and tolerance between races that we must take care of. =/

well, it's quite sensitive but i do hope that they get to stay so i could see them like everyday

now i wonder if i could steal one and bring back home and my dad can't do anything but to let me have it. lol

it was him, now her.

first it was him, now her?

it was too sudden i don't know what to say. all of the sudden i'm getting news that she got a brand new laptop. then i heard scholarship. then i heard again on a bicycle. then i heard hostel. then i heard orientation.

i didn't expect them to go away from home in a month's apart duration.

now my dad could fulfill his statements of alone and eating non-fancy foods. yeah rite, he might ended up going to some fancy restaurant while we're not around eh?

i'm still in a state of shock. =/

btw, i realise now FYP's really having a favour towards me. it's hard, it's busy, it's too much work. but i prefer staying in the lab all day instead of being in the room.

in a serious need for conversation. just a hi, a bye, or even a random.


feeling so lonely =/

sometimes i wonder..

It's been 3 days. I miss them already. =)

minus Coach. heee

just because we didn't win

i wonder how my brother is now over in India. =/