self discovering

yeah i know there's so much crappy post been up lately. but i found out so much i would wanna 'share'.

no, it's so my future self would read again what had my old self been up to.


after away for a week into foreign country alone (no mum no dad), i found my other self that i've been so long trying to push away to the back corners of my 'personality box' stash.

i knew i was/am;
stingy
selfish
not understanding
commanding
manipulating to get what i want
jump to conclusions without thinking
expecting people to know what i want
proud
loved freedom to the core
hates being tied up by someone i don't even know that well, but i have to respect
wanting independence

(basically this is what i could think of at the moment, i'll just edit again later on)


stingy is the main thing the appears often. to me, not to others. i tend to look at prices with must more interest and ended up getting nothing of everything that i wanted. which i'm still regretting.
selfish, not understanding, commanding, anything below that was all related to each other. it's like i'm being childish which my freedom was so limited i tend to think selfishly and doesn't want to think what's the reason for not giving all my freedom. i'm there alone, it means i'm not tied to my parents and yet a stranger is limiting my freedom. this got me all confused and i acted un-rationally.
proud is another thing. since i've made so much research and reading on the place, i almost know what is what when i saw something. i'll accidentally pratted it out as though i'm a tour guide knowing everything. and i'll scoff at people who take pictures without knowing what is that thing that they had just modeled in front of. seriously, proud at its worst that time.

i don't want to be a person like this. and it's not something you can throw away easily.