not sure what happened, but i'm giving up on my work.

either because:
1. a colleague is resigning, and maybe i will be taking over some important responsibilities. people might say good for you, it's your chance to prove yourself to your higher ups. but no, i'm not ready, and i have no confidence to take on that role.

2. the higher ups might lose trust in me. losing trust and not sure if i can take over that role. now, communications between us are so low its as though there's no more trust towards me anymore.

3. is it from the incident when we went for work overseas? i forgot that in my bag there's a few important samples. because the adhoc request to bring back some heavy samples, i could not check-in my bag due to over baggage. and the airline we took does not allow over baggage payment done in less than 4 hours. then there's these samples that i forgot, making us running all over the airport finding for places to courier back. we did in the end. and we almost missed our flight. and earlier that day i could not check-out of hotel because someone's credit card that i borrowed had been rejected. so my fault for not taking much cash with me.

4. so because of the incident, everything changes. because it's all due to no.3? that's it? that's all? really??

5. or is it because i heard that the higher ups likes to test you on things. so that day when we had a conversation, i failed the 'test'? i was just merely giving my opinion on some management structure. i find that my decision does not affect anyone, everyone is with their partner that will definitely work well with each other. i wanted to be solo. why, too selfish?
also seeing the structure that the higher ups propose makes me understand that i'm not wanted when the other person was selected to be the top instead. i didn't request to be the top after seeing it, so fine.